….To All The People Outside My Head….

Hey look at this I am writing a second installment to my blog and you are reading it! Isn’t that something.

So for the past couple of nights I have had problems sleeping because I kept getting these great ideas about this blog. I have forgotten most of them except my title. With that said….

To all the people outside my head my choices and decisions may seem crazy. This blog is not here to clear up the fact that I am crazy…cause I probably am a little…but to EXPLAIN my crazy.

At this time in my life I am forever reminded of the movie with Alexis Bledel, “Post-Grad.” In fact I kept thinking about the movie that one night I just rented it on instant from Amazon…. and watched it twice. (see a little crazy) I didnt watch it because it was a good movie, (though I do love Alexis ever sense Gilmore Girls…GG’s as I lovingly call the show) but because I could relate. Here I am graduated with the exact degree I wanted and worked extremely hard for. Yet, I cant seem to land the dream job (or really any job). But I am getting a little ahead of myself let me go into detail about one job in particular.

AFRICA! which I simply call it to not seem super smart because I know where Dakar Senegal is to people who dont really care. So I say Africa and those who care will ask where. Those who dont really care enough to know exactly where will say, “Oh cool…..” Friends many of you know I grew up in Africa for a little part of my life. Well to make a long story short I applied to the same school I attended. I got the job. My first grown-up job offer was for a school in Africa. HOW CRAZY IS THAT!!….So why am I not packing and shipping out to a 3rd world country you ask. Good question. After praying about it. talking about it, and flip flopping from “FOR SURE GOING” to “IT JUST DOESN’T SEEM RIGHT.”   Down to the very last day till I had to get back to the school with an answer God simply told me it wasn’t the right time for me. In the seconds it took for the “Message sent” dialogue box to pop up saying my refusal email was traveling miles and miles away, over seas, I saw a job that checked off many of my dream job boxes. The school I turned down fulled my dream to:  Teach overseas, Teach at a Christian based school, to Teach World History, and to Teach an international student body. Still I knew it was the right thing to do…even as I saw it slip from my hands. Even now while I search and search for a job with very little luck. Africa as much as I planned and wanted it God knew it was just not the right time for me…YET I hope.

So there is one point in my choices that To all the people outside my head  may find me to be crazy. Though some may have thought I was crazy if I went…it is Africa after all.

Since then I have been considered a sitting duck. Just waiting. I have applied and applied and applied. Some places have been nice and tell me they found someone else. Others are still mysteries (if you can call no word a mystery). So I am very much like the character Rider in “Post- Grad.” Bills are coming in, student loans are getting closer to the end of their grace period.

It would seem that finding joy in this rather depressing and uncertain time would be…well crazy. For some reason (GOD) I have been able to find the joy in this. Some days of course I feel sorry for myself. Though I know others (some of you friends) have gone through much harder times in the recent past and are still finding joy. Joy is not about what your are going through, the struggles, the happy times or the sad. Its an understanding that there is someone greater paving your path for you. I may not get the job I want from the very go or maybe not even the 100th go but I know that I’ll end up right were I am meant to be. I just pray that I’ll be able to set aside the struggles and hardships to see the joy and learn as I go.

A happy thing to report is that I did get into my Masters program…already have some possible internships  😉 (Jen) already in the making. My sister said the other day….”your really doing web design…thats random.”  Yet another crazy factor To the people ouside my head.  I am excited to start and see where it will take me!

So this blog is for All the people outside my head its okay to be crazy to those that don’t hear your inner thoughts and struggles. Find Joy, have faith, take chances, and be yourself.